17 Weeks

This past week was a pretty low-key week in terms of much to do with the pregnancy.

Symptoms mostly have to do with my growing size, which I am loving (so much more to write about that!). I did make it a full ten days without vomiting and then got massively sick on Saturday after a lunch of (fake) Mexican followed by a milkshake a few hours later. Apparently those were mistakes. Breast changes galore, as well.

Back at almost 12 weeks, I felt a fluttery, bubbly sensation in my abdomen that I have never felt before and believed was fetal movement. I have not felt much since, but in the past week have started to get interesting rolling feelings that feel like my lower abdomen is rolling in on itself… seems to me like something is going on! (I never understood why women would say “I didn’t know if it was movement or not” but now I totally get it… I want to feel something so much that it’s easy to trick myself into “maybe that wasn’t movement at all.”)

I have been taking belly shots since 6 weeks… and realized tonight that the shirt that I chose is never EVER going to make it to 40 weeks. It is a workout shirt that was form fitting at the start of the pregnancy (the better to see the non-existent “bump” with my dear)… at this point, the bottom of my stomach sticks out a little when I put it on… and it’s just going to get worse. I wonder if I can find the shirt somewhere in a bigger size?

No other news on this front. Work is busy but the part time job is winding down. Life is busy and I don’t know how we’ll ever get everything done in time when we are both so tired at the end of our (work / work + second job / work + school) days.  We see the midwives tomorrow – I am so excited to hopefully hear the little one and to get reassurance that all is well (please let all be well!)

The Medicalization of Conception: Planning ahead

C and I have repeatedly said that, if possible, we would like to have two children.  Last June, in a final planning meeting with our doctor, he suggested that after we got pregnant, we might want to purchase additional vials of our donor for future use, suggesting at a minimum the number of vials we needed to conceive number one and recommending at least a couple more as we will both be older at that point.

As we began actually trying, C realized fairly quickly that she agreed with the doctor. It was important to her to make sure that the two children were at least full half siblings, biologically connected through the donor if at all possible, as she and I might each be taking a turn at the pregnancy thing and we do not have the money or interest in voluntarily undergoing IVF just so that we can share eggs. In thinking about this further, it not only made sense from a more intangible potential connection-between-siblings perspective but from a practical and tangible sharing-genetic-material-with-someone-else-may-benefit-you-medically-in-the-long-run perspective. So we decided that when the time came, depending on finances and our state of mind, we would consider purchasing additional vials (also making sense in the saving money perspective as vial costs continue to rise exponentially).

So I got pregnant in November. And at 16 weeks, we are feeling pretty good about the pregnancy (finally). And the cry.obank just announced that their prices would be going up very soon.  And we are still part of their little “club,” earning us lots of good discounts and deals. And our donor still had plenty of vials available.

After looking at our finances (and realizing that two or so years from now we won’t likely be in a better financial position), C and I decided that tax refunds mean planning for the future. And we ordered a bunch of vials, scoring free storage for two years and two free vials based on the current and previous purchases (saving well over $2,000 in the process which makes my little I-love-to-save heart VERY happy).

So now, in the midst of lots of pregnancy fun (oh the leg cramps last night!), we are not only thinking ahead but have invested a good chunk of change in doing this again, while not knowing for sure if we will try and knowing that, even if we do try, the investment may not actually pay off. It is bizarre to me because, while I am a planner, I am also really trying to focus on the present moment and enjoying this time that we’ll never get back. And while it is true that once we get the paperwork and file it away for a date sometime in the future, it is also true that a little part of my mind will consider those tiny expensive vials from time to time and wonder what might come.

 

My eyes are up here…

So a disturbing new trend is taking place among my co-workers. As I speak with them, I find their eyes shifting down to my ever-growing midsection and then back up to my face. More than once in a conversation. In a subtle, but very-noticeable-to-me way.

At first it was just the coworkers that know, but now it’s also coworkers that don’t officially “know,” though apparently according to a coworker in the know, I gave away my whole pregnancy by wearing motion sickness bands to a training several weeks ago. Ever since them, several of my colleagues have asked him if he knows what’s up. Who in the world is that super sleuthy to guess that? Why do people have the time to guess that? And why would that be the one day (seriously, the bands didn’t work so well for me) that I would be trying just about anything to keep myself from vomiting?

It’s really not a big deal, of course folks are going to guess (and talk). I just was excited about my little secret and finding out that it’s not such a secret after all (and not for a good, baby bump reason, but for a silly had-to-deal-with-nausea reason) is a little disappointing. That being said, I’ve neither confirmed nor denied anything (and won’t until after my appointment next week) and in the meantime I get to chuckle a little to myself when I see someone’s eyes shifting ever-so-cautiously down down down.

16 Weeks :)

Super smiley face this week as I say goodbye to allthetime nausea and hello to… well, exhaustion. Like getting-back-from-a-ten-hour-plane-ride-and-facing-jet-lag exhaustion that I have not experienced since flying home from Hawaii. It’s a trade-off, I guess.

This week I have had far fewer symptoms overall except the exhaustion, my belly continues to get bumpier, and by God, I finally FEEL pregnant even when I’m not focusing on pregnancy-related matters. I have spent lots of my anxious time hoping that I will feel movement and even asked C this weekend if she thought it was okay that I was holding my breath in the hopes of feeling something (she did not).

My biggest complaint this week is with my closet. My jeans are still fitting (with a belly band) but I have stacks of clothes that no longer fit. Apparently, I love form-fitting clothes and apparently my form has changed too much for those clothes to still fit. Cue endless grumbling in the morning. I was getting up significantly earlier to manage my morning sickness; now that that’s done, I’m getting up early enough to spend twenty minutes in the closet deciding which of the five shirts that still work will be lucky enough to be chosen. My boss tells me I’m noticing it more than anyone and that might be true, but I also think she might not be paying much attention.

Overall, I’m very happy with how things seem to be progressing. I will be a bit happier after the midwife appointment next week (confirmation of all going well is always a good thing) but it finally feels like we are on track to having a baby ( and I write that with only a little nervous superstitious feeling, which is a huge improvement!)

This is the tenth day of hearts, love, and candy that C and I have had together and we are spending it like we’ve spent all of them – in a low-key manner with a few special touches here and there. I did splurge on a massage for her because with all the extra weight she’s been carrying around the house, she deserves it (and needs it, quite honestly). She’s bringing home dinner tonight (so excited – I actually KNEW what I wanted for dinner… and I STILL WANT IT!) and we’re going to enjoy time together.

Public Service Announcement

Today, if all goes well, will be the FIFTH FULL DAY I have not gotten sick (as in thrown up). Nausea still comes and goes but THIS IS AMAZING and the FIRST TIME SINCE EARLY DECEMBER THAT I HAVE FELT LIKE THIS!!!

Best. Day. Ever.

One year

In about 20 minutes, it will officially be a year since C and I first visited our RE.

I will never forget how nervous I was before that appointment. How the office called around noon (I was in a meeting) to make sure we were still coming. How the waiting room was empty (foreshadowing for almost every subsequent visit). I won’t forget the way I felt at ease when we began to talk… and the way I felt nervous all over again when the doctor casually mentioned that “we’ll do a full exam today.” He suggested that even with my thyroid, we might be able to start as soon as June, and noted that it would be wonderful to have a spring baby. Our meeting with him lasted over two hours and afterward C and I grabbed lunch and marveled at the beginning of yet another adventure.

I mentioned then and I’ll mention now that he also kept making statements such as “when you are pregnant” as compared to “if you are pregnant.” I have wondered since if he says that to all new patients (what a great selling point!) or if my age and lack of any obvious problems with fertility gave him extra confidence.  Regardless, I am so happy that he was right and that we are where we are.

The big worry coming out of that meeting was financing what was revealed to be a quite expensive procedure. Although we considered looking around further to see if we could save money (and we probably could have, though maybe not much), I am so glad that we stayed where we did… it made for significantly less stress working with our one doctor throughout everything.

There’s not really much else to say – I said most of it then and it is time for bed. I just wanted to take a quick moment to pause and be grateful… for one of the first steps that led us to where we are today (and for every single one of you who at the time gave feedback, comments, and support when I asked for them).

Have a great weekend!

15 Weeks

… and one day (I’m getting better at posting close to on time)

Although I’ve been using a belly band for a while for comfort (and to avoid a really big muffin top), I am officially THIS CLOSE to not being able to button my pants (as in, I can if I suck and push and pray, but it hurts when they are buttoned and looks like the button will pop off). I don’t know that this is the “popping” that folks speak of as I just have had a gradual expansion of my midsection (despite losing half a pound this week).

Pregnancy symptoms continue in a (not-so) delightful fashion. I celebrated my 15 week milestone by throwing up my breakfast and have been close to getting sick again today though it thankfully hasn’t happened. I had a random leg cramp in the middle of the night the other night and often wake up to tingly numb arms. My sinuses have also been fun and probably contributing to the nausea.

This past week, we did go social media public. I probably could have waited longer, but I’m super glad I didn’t. It was on my mind quite a bit and it’s nice to have that room back for other worrying, which all seems to be concentrated between 4 am and whenever I fall back asleep (sometimes not for an hour or more). I have taken up worrying about the pregnancy, the baby, life, and work. The last one is very unusual for me as I’ve always been pretty fabulously amazing at leaving a very emotionally draining job behind at the end of the day. But it’s hard to do when there are so many worries to choose from and so much time to worry! The good news is that despite the sleep disruption, I’m not overly tired (though I’m yawning as I type this).

From time to time these days, I find myself wondering and waiting for the first flutters. To be fair, I think I felt the first first flutters a couple weeks ago – a feeling in my lower abdomen like what I would imagine soda bubbles feeling like inside a glass – but outside of one other similar situation, I have not felt anything like that since. I am hopeful for more confirmation that things are okay and won’t rest until I feel something definitive or until we hear the heartbeat in a couple of weeks.

Otherwise, we keep chugging merrily and quickly along. There are so many posts in my head, so many topics that I keep thinking about, but they disappear in the midst of 12 hour work days, nausea, and finding time for everything else in my life.