So in two weeks, I will have been back at work for a full day already and my child will have been in daycare for two days (we are starting her on Tuesday while I’m still home just to get the feel for daycare and to troubleshoot if necessary).
And I feel broken.
My anxiety has increased dramatically as I think about leaving my baby for so many hours a week, only really seeing her during her most cranky time of day (which I’m hoping might change when it becomes “our” time of day but I’m not convinced). And as I think about returning to my job, which I love but which will require a lot of navigating to figure out what my temp has done these past 12 weeks. And navigating the pumping, of course. And C and I learning a whole new way to relate to the baby and each other as she takes on Fridays with the baby and we both come home the rest of the week exhausted, eager for baby time, eager for alone time. And, honestly, as I look back over the past 10 weeks and wonder if I have used them to their fullest capacity – I mean, I have been off for SO MANY DAYS – have I done enough adventuring? Enough outside time? Enough walks? Enough inside cleaning/getting stuff done time? Seriously, this is where my anxiety is right now.
So outside of the last part, which is just something I’ll have to get over as I spent the past 10 weeks bonding with my child in many different forms and it has been GOOD even if I don’t feel like I measure up on some imaginary yardstick, I need advice from all the mamas who went back to work: what did you do to feel as fulfilled (and guilt-free) as possible? Because I firmly believe that I can’t have it all – having it all would entail being 100% fully devoted to work AND family and I don’t think there is enough time in the week for that. But I also firmly believe I can be satisfied in both areas and that is what I want.
Here’s what I’m doing so far:
- Starting back half a week early. This allows me additional FMLA time to take off one day a week the following three weeks and also makes my first week back a little less intense. My boss is keeping my temp until that Friday, so I won’t have to do a ton of my actual job that week.
- Starting K in daycare a day early. Hoping that that will make my first day at work a little less tearful as I can be horrifically sad on that day early day (let’s face it though – my mind will know the difference between me being able to run and get her at any minute and being stuck in a meeting just thinking about it)
- Taking small trips away. This has included leaving K with my mom for several hours on Mondays, which is when my mom will be watching her. K has successfully taken bottles from both C and my mom, so I am confident that she will eat, even in daycare.
- Trying to enjoy all the moments I have with her and be IN the moment with her right now. This is a hard one, as I also want to get a lot done around the house before I go back to work and I’m constantly thinking about work.
- Talking to my boss about flexing some time so that I can have more time with K. And/or running out the door as soon as I am done with my day. Don’t know how this will fly and I’m waiting to see my boss in person to have this discussion.
- Pumping daily. Building up a small stash, yes, but also continuing to get used to pumping.
- Taking lots of pictures.
What advice do you have? I’m particularly thinking about when I’m at work the first week and I see my clients and they ask about the baby – somehow I think it would be less than professional to burst into tears the way I did at the dentist office when they asked about the baby I had just left behind with my mother. Also, have any strategies (outside of routine) to make evenings more fun and exciting with a veryhappymorning baby? Basically anything you can offer in terms of how to make this suck less would be awesome, though I realize it’s mostly just going to suck.
Gotta go, baby’s waking up! But I do want to leave you with this thought, too: if I’m completely honest with myself, part of me does not want to return to work just because it’s nice to not work and to be able to do whatever I want most days, even with baby in tow, even if it’s truncated by the need for naps or nursing. That part of me might even be bigger at times than the part that just wants to eat up the baby and never miss a moment of her life. Also, part of me is excited for the challenges and socialization of work. I just wish I didn’t (and K didn’t) have to sleep because then I COULD have it all.
For the past three nights, K has given us sad sobs of sorrow for several hours between 6 pm and 12 am (usually 6-10, but sometimes we go a little long). She spends part of the time cluster feeding, part of the time rooting and then refusing to feed, and part of the time just yelling. She’ll get pretty close to falling asleep… almost make it… even drift off for a couple minutes… and then BAM! back awake and yelling. We feed her, change her, rock her, sing to her, burp her, peddle her legs. She seems by times hungry, gassy, fighting sleep.
All in the realm of normal, we think, since she does go to bed eventually and she is still (knock on wood) sleeping well during the night and is fairly peaceful and easy going during the day. We have done a good job tag teaming (I feed her while C makes dinner; C rocks her while I eat, etc.) and we aren’t really frustrated, but neither of us look forward to what seems, after only a few days, to be inevitable fussiness. When she does fall asleep finally, we really should too, but I think we are both glad to have some alone, do whatever we want, adult time. Including typing blogs, watching tv, showering, and even doing chores around the house.
Meanwhile, any tips to help soothe the crying? Nursing is our go to when she is showing signs of hunger, but when that doesn’t work, what else has been helpful for folks? We’ve tried quite a bit of the “go-to” kinds of soothing, any outside-the-box ideas?
Waiting. CD 17. Annoyed about the best laid plans… Likely going in on (stressful) work days even though I had a three day weekend based on timing of previous cycles. RE seems unperturbed by phone, so we have not gone in, though he made it clear he is around all weekend.
This is one time when I, more than ever, would recommend charting. While I am anxious that I will miss the surge (as evidenced by my trashcan full of discarded OPKS), there has been no thermal shift and I am certain that I have not missed it yet. I also have ten months of charts that remind me just how weird my ovulation on CD 14 or 15 during the past few months actually was and that show me that I often have a temperature dip a couple days before ovulation.
Please remind me that it possible to get pregnant even when you have to go back to stressful work situations. My boss is out all this week, I will be doing her job and mine, making some really tough decisions, and hoping for the best. Over and over. I am stressed thinking about the stress and its impact on my body and a bit angry and annoyed that I can’t have better timing.
I am lucky enough to have a pretty good fade-in pattern when it comes to my LH surge. That is, when I use the cheapie sticks, that second line starts out pretty faded and gets progressively darker until the magic moment. So even if I don’t get what looks like a full positive (and sometimes it is REALLY hard to tell), I often get a day of darker followed by lighter and lighter (if I keep testing).
Which made pairing up the cheap tests (40 for $10) with the smiley tests (over $20 for 20) a perfect plan.
And today I got my dark line, and today I got my smiley. On my first smiley test ever. Which was super fast (about 3 minutes) and SO INCREDIBLY EASY TO READ, if worse for the environment.
(I honestly don’t like it quite as much as line deciphering, which I find interesting. But this is still a trial month and I know line deciphering will be far FAR less interesting next month.).
As for the advice, my doctor has recommended a first in the morning testing schedule so that I can go in right away. Which is WAY easier for my schedule and matches the instructions that came with the smiley tests (which says test anytime!) but contrary to other advice out there. That being said, a lot of the advice suggests the surge won’t be detected in your urine that early and clearly mine is. THAT being said, others suggest a false positive (which doesn’t sound likely because LH is there or it isn’t) and so I will test again tomorrow morning just in case.
What do you all think?
So I haven’t seen my dentist in a little while even though I generally have soft and terrible teeth regardless of how fabulous my dental hygiene is.
I had an appointment in the fall and they called and cancelled and I for whatever reason did not call back.
I called a couple weeks ago and no one answered and they for whatever reason did not call back despite their voicemail intro saying they would.
I called yesterday and I not only is my dentist gone from the (large, ridiculous practice) but I can’t get an appointment for eight weeks. Which, for my dentist, is fabulous, but puts us right after TTC. I am fairly certain that I have cavities (I have not had a dental appointment in years in which I have not had at least one cavity) and may have additional work to do although my mouth is not in any kind of severe pain right now.
So I have three options:
1. Try and find another dentist, switch my insurance to that dentist (dentist must be named on my insurance card) and go ASAP. Or pay out of pocket for another dentist.
2. TTC, possibly get pregnant, go to scheduled appointment and say no thank you when it comes to xrays
3. Wait to TTC (notice this is the bottom of my list).
What do you all think? I was really excited to have my ducks in a row medically but inadvertently left this out and now I’m really regretting it. The crazy thing is, I don’t mind going to the dentist at all despite all my dental work… I think I just hate making appointments and dealing with an office that is not terribly helpful.
In February the RE prescribed prenatal vitamins that came with a handy-dandy “you-don’t-have-to-pay-for-these-if-you-have-a-coupon” card. Which is great, because without the coupon, these vitamins would be at least $60 for a 90 day supply.
I didn’t fill the prescription right away, then got sick, then got better, and now decided to fill it. Except the two pharmacies I visited were completely out and the one pharmacist noted that the pills have been backordered for “months.” She suggested that we might be able to call around and find them.
I’m not really into making 150 phone calls to find this particular brand. I’m also not terribly interested in paying upwards of $60 for vitamins when the promotion runs out.
I’m asking for advice, so here are my questions:
- What are your thoughts on name-brand versus generic prenatal vitamins?
- Do you have a favorite brand (name or generic)?
- Any recommendations on what to look for in a vitamin?
(I know I can call my doc, but am just as happy asking all of you for now!)
It’s been in my head for a while, so I have to ask:
Is there anyone out there willing to share (publicly or privately) about how much a total IUI cycle was for them? Including any labwork, etc. ?
Because our RE charges a flat fee, but it seems VERY VERY high to me. His rate includes whatever he has to do during that cycle, but I’m imagining he won’t have to do a whole lot (at least not at first) as so far, all fertility testing (which we had to pay extensively for as my insurance covers NOTHING) points to go.
So I’m trying to get an idea of a non-insurance cycle cost, not just the IUIs, which from what I’ve read of other people, seem to be significantly cheaper than anything we’d be about to pay.
This doctor gets rave reviews and is awesome-tastic but if it doesn’t work in 2 or 3 tries, we would be flat broke. And I feel like I’d rather have more tries at this point.