14 DPO (per FF, 15 per me)
Didn’t bother testing this morning as my temperature dropped a bit (not below coverline, but typical pre-AF) and I didn’t want to be disappointed again.
I had crazy cramping yesterday afternoon and last night which is VERY VERY abnormal for me (I’m the girl who says “what are cramps like?” to women doubled over in pain; when I have gotten them, I’m already bleeding). Residual (and uncomfortable) cramping this morning.
I am not out yet, but resigned to not being in, either. That being said, SOMETHING has happened in my body this month, and no amount of arguing or pointing out dates or anything else is going to convince me otherwise. I had 5-6 days of nausea and breast tenderness. I almost threw up in a parking lot. My boobs were HUGE. While I started out believing that I was psychosomatic (it was too early to feel x, y, or z), I am fully convinced that not all of those symptoms were just in my head. Because, if I’m totally and unashamedly honest, there were more than a few times that I tried to WILL some symptoms into my life without any success. It went like this:
Me: Don’t you feel a LITTLE nauseous?
Body: Uh, no. Feelin’ fine.
Me: Is it because I’ve been eating every couple hours? Because you know, at first you were all sick whenever I didn’t eat within an hour.
Body: Nope. Actually, we haven’t eaten in a while and I’m still good.
Body: Let’s have some chocolate!
There was a similar conversation with my chest, which also involved occasional poking and prodding and “does this hurt? are you sensitive THERE?”
Again, kudos to every woman who can do even one of these with any semblance of togetherness. Because at this precipice between an ounce of hope and a gallon of blood, there is no sanity left.*
*A little bit of hyperbole, I think, as really, my mood is better than it was a couple of days ago and I think I will be able to make it just fine even if I am a bit sad. Mostly I’m sad because we were hoping to go on a trip at the beginning of September and it will be right when we do this fun again. So it’s a choice that I don’t want to make. I’m also sad because of the exorbitant costs associated with this madness. Otherwise, I’m kind of okay. Yay for that, I guess.