… to a lesbian conception adventure!

Posts tagged ‘religion’


There was a baptism at church today.

Thinking about whether we will baptize our children or not. We both take respecting religion seriously, meaning we don’t just do things because it’s “the time” to do it or because it’s expected.



(note: there’s a couple paragraphs of history here; if you want the juicy ttc stuff, just scroll down!)

We went to church yesterday.

C and I were both raised Catholic with entirely different expeiences. The members of my chuch were primarily several generations removed from me, as was the youth leader. The kiss of peace was a quick handshake with whomever was close. C’s church, at least at the time I met her, was full of families and young people, had a strong youth program, and the sign of peace involved moving around (GASP!) and hugging.

It was no wonder that as we became closer friends and eventually began to date, I began to truly love the church. I attended mass with C and her family, became more familiar with rituals I had previously never understood, and took an active role in studying (read: reading extensively about) the various teachings.

As we entered into our relationship (my first, and oddly enough honestly the first time I really considered my own sexuality as anything “different,”), I realized, as anyone does when engaging in an oppressive situation, just how vulnerable my place was as a woman (period!) who was in a romantic relationship with another woman (underline!). Especially as I read more, watched more, learned more about the faith that once belonged to me.

We slowly drifted away from the church, moreso as we became full-fledged adults with our own home.  We tried “alternative” Catholic churches with little result. The final nail in the Catholic coffin was not, however, our sexuality, but the historical and present-day response of the Church to the sexual abuse of so many children. Never has greed, abuse of power, and utter neglect of the people been so evident. And never has it been so easy to walk away from an institution that, primarily through ritual and tradition, has had such a hold.

So we’re no longer Catholic, I guess, though despite everything, it’s still strange to say. But we both love the way church can center, provide community, engage your mind (and spirit) in a unique way. And while we have been perfectly happy avoiding church for the past few years (C works on Sundays, which makes it even easier), we have always considered the way church would (or would not) influence our children.

So maybe it was our unconceived, unborn, un-ttc child that was impetus to our attendance at a local (non-Catholic!) church last night. Or maybe it was just that we’ve been saying for YEARS that we want to “try that service” when we’ve driven by the sign. Probably it was both. While we realize that there is never a perfect time to try to have a child, we are also realizing just how much power we have in getting a few things into place even before officially ttc. 

The church, btw, was okay. The people were very welcoming, the music was so-so, and the minister, while not the normal minister (who will be back next week) gave a pretty good homily.  We will go back, probably at least a few times, to get a feel for the church and to decide if it is where we would like to be.

In the meantime, I’m sure some of these cusp-of-ttc posts will be focused on these little things we can do.. and I’m sure I can (and will) get even more rambly and thoughtful about the kind of church we want for our child.