A post, but first thanks for all the well wishes and a toast:
To all of you fine women who are able to maintain some semblance of composure following your first (or any subsequent) IUI, cheers.
To everyone else, after weeks of “Questions of the Week” and cerebral ranting, I finally understand. This isn’t a two week wait. It’s a two week freakout!
“But wait!” you might be saying, didn’t you JUST do the IUI thing yesterday?!
The answer would be yes. And, by doctor’s recommendation and cervix position, we did the same today. But that is no match for the power of Dr. Google, who has been fed such phrases as “nothing on ultrasound after ovulation” and “LH surge no ovulation.” Or for my thermometer, which went LOWER today rather than higher.
Because either the timing was “exquisite” or something was wrong.
And my doctor was good today, though he did not come across as ridiculously optimistic (which is probably more about the fact that there are no guarantees than this being a bad situation). The sperm was good today (we were congratulated on picking such a great donor). And I was good today, except for this nagging feeling of needing some kind of control over a process which has, despite LOTS OF SCIENCE, NO control.
The doctor continues to think good timing or terrible timing. He mentioned that next cycle we might try some drugs “just to get everything more precise” and he shared that if I see fertile signs early, I should definitely call and come in (I wish he would have said that BEFORE this cycle, because I had have had fertile signs this whole week). The whole chatting about the next cycle makes sense (if I get my period, we have to get going ASAP) but is frustrating because I don’t want there to BE a next cycle. I asked the poor man so many questions he cannot answer or cannot answer with much certainty. Was it good timing? Who knows? Is my body broken? Who knows?
Today feels a lot like yesterday but a little less crampy since we didn’t ultrasound. The IUI itself was slightly more annoying (not painful) – I could actually feel that my cervix was not as open.
As of right now, I don’t plan to test for the full two weeks. I am going to be continuing to temp, however, and also hoping for some other magical signs that mean something more than the dull tension in my uterus from two catheters and a lot of sperm. Oh and hope.
I apologize that this blog for the next two weeks might turn into one long rant. I am trying to have an outlet that I can turn to and then turn away from so I don’t dwell TOO much. 🙂