Work performance

I though working more hours would keep me busy and away from obsession. Which worked last week. But this week? With fewer symptoms and days away from AF or magic pee stick of wonder, ttc is a distraction from work. I am unmotivated, disinterested, and ready to go home about ten minutes after I get there. Being captain symptom obsessor, I see that as either hormones related to AF, depression related to the angst (yes, even on cycle one, I know how ridiculous I must sound to more weathered veterans), or maybe some pregnancy exhaustion ( ha, not really)

Anyway, my job is largely interpersonal both with other employees and with clients; I have tried to focus on more administrative tasks but can’t shy away forthe rest of this week. Poor other employees and clients.

In other news, after an emotional breakdown (hormones from AF or BFP? You decide!) last night, I am going to try to wait until Friday to test again.

Today my temperature rose over 98, which is high for me and another rise on my chart, and I woke with a sore throat. In the theme of this post: Pregnancy symptoms or cruel joke of nature? You guessed it, you decide!

(other than my incessant whining about all of this, life is pretty good. It is just surprising to me how much two weeks have slowed down and taken over my entire life)

Lazy Sunday

StiLl waiting, still nauseous from time to time (in fact the only times I have refrained from nausea for hour long spans are when I’m busy eating like it’s my job), still have fantastic breasts (perky in their fullness, which is sadly something I cannot say for my normal boobs), still have over-the-coverline temps. Fairly convinced I am pregnant and did, despite my intention not to, POAS this morning at either 9 or 10 dpo. Waiting til at least Wednesday to try again (ha, we’ll see how that goes). Overall mood good and overall anxiety decreased, not only because I feel like something is going on in there but because we are that much closer to knowing one way or another.

I do have a couple actual fears (compared to anxieties) that may or may not be founded. Maybe some posts for later this week.

Another weekend

After the boob enthusiasm of last night, today was a kind of melancholy day. The ups and downs of waiting, I suppose.

It’s getting harder not to just run and buy 7 tests for the next week. If I’m being honest, I peed on a stick today without any expectation that it would turn positive (and no disappointment that it didn’t) but I just wanted to feel like I was doing SOMETHING.

I’m exhausted today, but it’s because I didn’t get much sleep last night.

This weekend we have a training to go to and I am planning on possibly heading into work one day to get some extra items off my plate. Otherwise I’m hoping to get my (slightly gross) house clean.

Meteor shower tonight! I’m hoping to get out and see a few!

What is everyone else doing this weekend?

1 week ’til test day…

… and going strong!

This busy week has been a great help to keeping obsessive thoughts at bay.

I have had bouts of nausea, which is apparently my body’s new way of telling me that I am hungry. Last night, for the second night in a row, my mouth was all watery/saliva-y like when I’m about to get sick. Then I ate LIKE A HORSE (and took some food from C’s plate) and felt much better. 5 am I was nauseous again.

My new google searches have been “psychosomatic pregnancy symptoms” and the like. Because I can’t believe that I am talking my body into being pregnant, but I don’t entirely believe that these things are all happening (though more than I used to, as I will feel fine for large chunks of the day and then feel awful).

I have a dentist appointment next Wednesday (12 or 13 DPO depending on who you ask). I am not going to have tested by that point, so they are just going to have to hold off the crazy x-rays and such as there are mixed opinions on x-rays in early pregnancy and I’d rather not take my chances, thank you.

I am hopeful that eventually this blog will go back to more cerebral thinking on all the fascinating aspects of ttc and pregnancy, but for the time being, I am either working or sleeping or stuck in my headspace. So this is what you get.

Battle of the wills

I didn’t think I’d be writing about every “symptom” especially after two/ one day(s) but here we are.

First off, a real symptom is that my temp rose AS IT SHOULD today, which is a relief after yesterday’s low temp. C, in all her helpfulness ( 😉 ) noted that our room was warmer than it has been the past few nights, but that still should not have led to the big ol’ spike today. Of course it is a new and different thermometer so who knows?

Second, My abdomen still feels lots of weird pressure. Maybe IUI related, maybe constipation, but I kind of like feeling like something might be going on in there.

Third, and most ridiculous, is that I was quite nauseous when I woke up this morning. likely related to nasal drip and anxiety and a “symptom” that not only should not exist right now but is entirely unpleasant. So I’m talking myself out of being nauseous.

So there we have it. In one corner, my logical, rational mind who has done enough research to know that of the three items listed above, only temperature is likely a REAL sign and even then only a likely sign that I did actually ovulate. In the other corner stands Cautious Optimism, desperately wanting to know that my uterus has magic happening inside while constantly aware of all of Rational Mind’s common sense.