When is enough enough?

It has been a million years.

J is almost three. Three!  His babyhood long over, toddlerhood close to an end, he is a delight in our household, making us smile with all his observations of the world around him.

K is five and has started school.  It was a big change, going from her small private preschool to her much larger public school, but she bravely boarded her school bus the first day and has not looked back… too much… though there has been a slight uptick in her cuddles and I’m not complaining.

C and I have talked about a third child, have tried a few times without success, and that is really why I’m back here writing.  Because there are tons of articles and online conversations about straight couples making the decision to have a third (or not deciding and just seeing what happens) but very few that mirror our situation.

How do you know enough is enough?

We decided to try again in a casual (but obviously intentional) way under the guise of the heterosexual “let’s see what happens.”  And considering that pregnancy has come easily in the past, I think we both assumed it would happen and we would deal with the consequences (the good and challenging).  And then it didn’t.  Three times.  And at the start of each new period, we were sad, sure, but not devastated, not the way we were with the negatives when trying to conceive our first.

And because the tries are so focused, filled with temping and peeing on sticks and shipping sperm and paying for doctors, they come with a ton of stress and angst and thinking and planning.  And there are many good reasons to have a third and there are many good reasons to not.

And now, after three tries, we are leaning toward not.  And I’m almost at peace with that when I think of the time and energy and resources we will be able to give our children without a third child, when I think of how I will be free to focus on them and on my career and on all that comes next after this phase of rapid growth and development and intense physical neediness.  But then I think about the magic of another child, the joy of another face at the table, the amazing moments leading up to and including childbirth… and I don’t know that I can fully commit to being done, though at the same time I don’t know how much of the magic is the magic of nostalgia and those special moments which exist but only in spaces between the day to day challenges and sometimes flat out dreariness of parenting.

As we get closer to saying we are done, I feel a mourning that is hard to define but involves the passing of this time in my life.  It involves aging and growing into a mother of older children and losing part of my purpose as a mother of young children.  It is a goodbye to the growth of my body during pregnancy and the release of childbirth and the first moments of nursing (even as I know that none of that is guaranteed even if I became pregnant) and it is a goodbye to identity.  It is also fear of regret.  And a deep, painful anger that we cannot just “let it happen” and accept what comes, that we must make decisions that are only as certain as the chance of pregnancy in any given cycle.

Four

K turns four tomorrow.

Four.

It feels like just yesterday I was going to bed after a long day of walking, errands, and a birthday party.  It feels like just yesterday I wasn’t sure when she would arrive.

I cannot even remember who I was then or what in the world I did with my time.

K on eve of four is just as stubborn, just as delightful as she has been her entire life.  Well, just as delightful anyway – I think the addition of her little brother wore down some of the stubborness about some things some of the time.  Maybe. (C might disagree with me.)

She loves glitter and sparkle, animal figures and books, Fro.zen and fairies.  She likes the idea of having magical powers, she spends time pretending to be a “baby doggy,” and no matter what she is doing, her brother’s things always seem so much more interesting to her.

She eagerly talks about family and their relationship to her.  She understands the difference between immediate and extended family, though not using those words, and she talks about marrying both her cousin and her brother one day.  She likes to think about all the people who are connected to her – which reminds C and I of when she would not stop crying as a baby and we would bounce her and sing a made up song about all the people who love her.  “It’s okay.  It’s okay.  Everybody loves you and it’s okay” and then off to the names.

K thinks animals are great.  She likes visiting the aquarium and the zoo and routinely asks to visit either – or both.  She likes to go on “adventures” and if not adventures, walks, which are never the same thing.  She is eager to visit playgrounds and is getting better and better at talking to the other kids, though she still resorts to shy and anxious behaviors from time to time.  Her favorite playgrounds are the “water playground,” the “playground by school” and the “inside playground.”  She is getting braver and braver with her climbing and jumping around and I try to hold myself back from saying “be careful, be careful” every five seconds.  We play hide and seek at the inside playground and she squeals with laughter when I find her.  She also vacillates between hiding somewhere easy and obvious and somewhere more tricky – even when she hides  somewhere “hard,” she often gives herself away.

Favorite foods right now are any kind of fruit, pancakes, lollipops, hot dogs, red peppers (she LOVES red peppers), smoothies, and juice when she is allowed to have it.  On Thursdays – the last day of daycare for her – I usually bring a special treat – she is always hopeful that the treat is chocolate.

Speaking of school, she was in the “3s room” this past school year and she is eagerly anticipating the “4s room” in the fall.  She has grown exponentially in her willingness to interact with various types of adults thanks largely to school and has also developed additional skills, like writing the letters of her name. She has made some friends and she and I have a joke where I know the names of all of the kids in the class except for her.

Regarding her brother, K is finally experiencing the highs and lows of having a more mobile, more aware sibling.  They play so well together at times and it is clear that J looks up to her.  At other times they struggle more and I anticipate the struggle becoming more and more challenging over time.  One game they like to play together is a game in which K says different words and tells J to say them too.  Another game is when the both get in the fold up tunnel we have and walk around the room like an inch worm.  Outside, they both play with balls, the slide, the water table, and the swimming pool.

I am fading fast with all this writing, but I want to add that K likes to dance, she likes to play, she likes to be a part of things.  She has made friends with the neighbors and whenever she sees them says hello and, if they are children, asks if she can go play.  She likes dresses and skirts, the song Fre.e Fal.ling, and time with her grandparents (especially her grandmom who has watched her every Friday since she was 12 weeks old).  She is warm, but can be self-protecting and cool if she isn’t prepared for something or if she has alternate preferences.  She makes us laugh in a hundred different ways, gives the best hugs (including one where she hangs around our necks), enjoys all the stuffed animals, and likes looking at old pictures.

She wants to simultaneously grow “bigger and bigger and bigger” and “stay a baby forever.”

I want that too.

 

And Time Goes Marching On… J’s turn

… because it felt like a separate post.

At 14 months old, J is magical.  He is a happy, bubbly, cuddly baby (toddler, I know!) who loves to explore the world.  After some steps at the end of December, he has just started really toddling around, though he often resorts to crawling when he is on a mission.  He likes balls and blocks and some books (his favorites are the one that starts “A c.ow says m.oo” and “Brown Bear” (tonight he said “brown bear” while C was reading it to him).  He loves trying to figure out how things work and is pretty amazing at looking at something until he can piece together how he can make it do whatever it is supposed to do.

Words include Mama, MaMA (how he says Mommy), dog, ball, teeth, eat, more, mouth, block, banana (nana), Nana (his grandmother), Pop, grandma (apparently, according to my mother 😉 ), hi, bye, and probably a handful more that I can’t remember.  He doesn’t string words together so much but he often uses gestures to get his point across (and we are pretty good at reading him and don’t have the energy to ask him to talk before giving him something the way we did with K – true second child facts).  He delights in being understood and loves when we “get” something he is trying to tell us (like when he gestures across the room at the bananas and says “MORE!”)

He likes to nurse but it is different than it was with his sister.  J clearly wants to nurse but is not nearly as I-NEED-IT-NOW as I remember his sister being at this age.  He also needs less to settle at night and putting him down is not the acrobat routine it was with K.

J loves to eat still but has become increasingly picky about some foods and refuses to eat a few (mostly green vegetables) all together.  He also notices when he has something different than everyone else and angles to get equal food treatment via gestures and complaints.  His favorite foods are bananas, spaghetti, most all other fruit.  He detests broccoli.  When he does like something he can eat several helpings which already has us nervous for his teenage years.

J likes all of us, but he especially lights up for K.  He is fascinated by the things she does and is getting better and better and mimicking her.  The best is when the two of them play together – K can be such a good little leader, giving J space to play and helping him out as needed.

I love everything about this age – still baby enough to pick up and carry and cuddle and nurse but big enough to help us get his arms in his shirts, eat his own food, not need pumping from me, and truly engage with the world.  Tonight we played with several figures and he had a great time making the horse say “neigh,” particularly when I would repeat it.  He also liked putting the wooden people inside their wooden helicopter.  It is amazing to watch him puzzle over something until “a-ha!” he gets it.

 

And time goes marching on…

… and I can’t keep up.

We now are the parents of a 3 1/2 year old and a 14 month old.  And if we could all be healthy at the same time for more than a few days at a time, I really do think the fog of newbaby parenting will have lifted.

K is amazing.  She is smart and funny and the things she says crack us up on a regular basis.  She is at the age where she knows enough about the way the world works to try to convince us of her points, but can never hide her true purpose behind the convincing.  She is learning to negotiate and has a good antenna for when we are just distracted enough to maybe give in.

Despite our best attempts to avoid commercial characters, she is repeatedly exposed to them both at school and through my mother (that could be a whole ‘nother post and maybe will be if I ever have a chunk of time again) and these days she has a true passion for all things F.roz.en, particularly El.sa.  She likes to sing some of the songs and toys with the idea of having powers.  She assigns characters to the rest of the family and puts parameters around who is allowed to sing what song based on their given character.  For myself, I don’t love the heavy focus as I was not a huge fan of the movie anyway, but I am glad that she is slowly understanding the characters better and deciding what she likes about them (ie powers, etc.) instead of just liking them because of their fame and because the other kids at school like them (how does peer pressure start so young?!)

Besides her character loves, she enjoys going outside, cooking and baking (or at least eating the ingredients), painting, reading, arts and crafts, and her dollhouse.  At bedtime she will sometimes choose to read to herself after we read to her and will call us when she is ready for the light to be out.  The colors pink and purple are her favorites, though blue has  come back into favor because of E.lsa.  She refuses to wear anything she labels as “boy clothes” (school influence maybe?  her own head?  no idea but her moms certainly don’t strongly favor “girl clothes”) and she would wear her E.lsa nightgown every night and out in the world if we would let her.  Her favorite foods are all fruit (especially bananas, blueberries, pineapple, craisins), pancakes, beans and rice (and “scoopy chips”), applesauce, yogurt, and “dessert” (which she will tell you is “not fruit”).  She has gotten increasingly picky but eats enough.

K continues to be fiercely independent and eager to do things her own way regardless of what other people think.     That being said, she has recently come into her own as a cuddler and will ask for snuggles and “back scratches” and will get between Chole and I when we hug for her own “squish hug.”  We also get our snuggle time in in the ways we always have – at bedtime, whenever we read books together, in the middle of a tickle fight.

She has her quirks and the things that annoy her (and the things that annoy us) but for the most part we often marvel about what a great kid she is and how lucky we are.  And how shocking it is that in just a half dozen more months she will be FOUR (she would add “and then 5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25 (16 skipped because she always skips it but every number far too big for my awesome little kid)).

 

 

J at One

So at the speed of having two kids, it is now January and J has been one for just over a month.

We celebrated his first birthday on the actual day the weekend after Thanksgiving.  The “theme” was rainbow colors, just like his big sister.  Dinner was spaghetti – his absolute favorite – and his cake was funfetti with chocolate frosting, which he devoured.

At a year old, J is the same easy-going, smiley, easy-to-please baby that he has been his whole life.  Words include “mama” and “more” and “pop” with a couple inconsistent “mommys” thrown in there.  He crawls around fiercely and pulls himself up on things but has not taken steps, though we anticipate it any day.  He loves looking at how things work, which is a big difference from when his sister was the same age – he will watch one of us do something and then work his hardest to figure out how to do it himself.  It is amazing to watch him puzzle it together and make things happen.

He still loves to eat.  Almost everything – he continues to dislike broccoli and push aside many green things on his plate, with the exception of peas, though he ultimately eats most of his food.  He enjoys cheerios, fruit, black beans, spaghetti, and anything his sister gives him, which is anything she can whenever she gets the chance.

At one, I stopped pumping and we introduced cows milk, which he enjoys less than breastmilk but will sometimes drink.  He continues to nurse voraciously and if he is sitting with me is often looking to eat.  That being said, even at night he can usually be settled by C if she cuddles him and waits him out, which is nice on the occasional night I have a late meeting or am otherwise occupied.

He likes music and will “sing,” clap, and dance.  He bounces along to almost any song and sometimes frustrates his sister with his clapping in the car (the joys of having two!).  He is less interested in sitting still to read books together, but seems to be listening as he crawls around the room while I read.

Overall, J is a cheerful little person who seems content to just be.  He constantly explores his world, is developing increasing body awareness, and is learning about cause and effect.  In between his constant movement, he spends time cuddling, nursing, laughing, and watching.  Perhaps because I am writing this at the start of a new year, it seems that he has so much to teach and I have so much to learn from his calm go-with-the-flow demeanor.

 

J at 11 months

J is just over 11 months old.  Almost a year.  And he is still delightful.  He crawls like a typical baby now instead of a zombie and zooms around everywhere.  He has been climbing and cruising and standing for a few seconds on his own.  He gets into everything he can and is far more destructive than I remember his sister being at this age – and puts himself far more frequently into harm’s way (though that may be partly him and partly the byproduct of him being around a 3 year old all the time).

He is fascinated by how things work.  He loves putting items inside of boxes, his animals inside of the barn – he loves seeing how things fit and removing them and trying again.  He has started building with the big legos, likes the wooden blocks, and works on his big board puzzles.  It is amazing to witness his little mind work, his grunts of frustration as he tries and tries, and his smiles when he finally does what he wanted to do.

He still loves to eat-  he eats anything and everything and when I’m not around will crawl to his high chair to look for food (when I am around he just looks for me).  I don’t know that he has many “favorites” but he does seem to enjoy fruit a lot, just like his sister.  He also really likes spaghetti – will eat bowl after bowl after bowl – and the other night when we went out to dinner, ate an entire kids pancake the size of a dinner plate (plus some eggs plus a bite of toast).  He still nurses and takes bottles (and cups) but doesn’t seem to need the milk to abate hunger the ways his sister did.

He likes music.  He will hold C’s hands and “dance” – bopping up and down.  He sometimes makes noise along with the music, though I would not call it singing.  He loves the water and does a happy dance when it is bathtime.  He likes splashing and yelling and flipping around in the water and trying to climb (which we do not allow but is really challenging to stop safely with all the slipperyness that is happening).  He also likes the bath toys.

He can say “Mama” “More” and “Meh” (Milk).  He waves hello and goodbye and he said “Buh” a few times the other day.  He also has said “Duh” (Dog) a few times but it is not a common word.  To be fair, he doesn’t need to say a whole bunch because his sister is always right there.

He has just started getting into books.  He particularly likes the books that have touch and feel elements though he will open and close any book and we have at times put him to bed with a book that he opens and closes until he falls asleep.  He also likes putting books into boxes and pulling them out.

J is still a good sleeper for the most part.  He is usually down between 8 and  8:30, wakes up once between 5 and 5:30 and then again at 7.  He went through a brief phase this past month of waking up 3:30 / 4 am but is skewing back toward the 5 and I am okay with that.  On fussy nights he will sometimes sleep in bed with us; the other night he spent at least half an hour “laying in bed” by climbing all over me and making happy sounds.

J is my baby all the way – he lights up whenever I come in a room and often wants to be with me.  He will still go to others without much of a fuss and isn’t particularly anxious when he is at daycare or with a sitter.  He snuggles with C and will fall asleep on her from time to time.  His adores his big sister and tries to play anything that she is playing no matter what we give him to distract him.  Recently, the two of them were playing in a play tunnel – K would chase him through the tunnel and he would giggle and giggle.  We frequently remind K to be gentle with him (and not to feed him and not to yell right in his ear and please dont shine the light in his eye… ) but he takes almost everything in stride.  He still rarely fusses or cries, though he has shown a fierce temper more and more that makes us kind of nervous about what 2 and 3 might look like, particularly when he throws down because he wanted something and we took it or we did something else he didn’t much like.

It is so hard to believe that a year ago I was sitting and wondering when he would show up and that now we are planning for his 1st rainbow fun birthday party.

Out of the Woods?

Since the chemical pregnancy back in January 2014, we’ve had a rough go of it.  Lots of ups and downs, lots of changes, losses, challenges.  Not to mention a pregnancy and a new baby in there.

It’s not that we haven’t had some fun, enjoyed the kids, enjoyed each other, but J is almost ten months old and it feels like we might just be, maybe, finally seeing the light.

Some of it is the result of conscious work.  We started a new daycare/preschool after a disaster that left J being monitored in the ICU overnight at all of seven months old (he was fortunately as okay as we can tell at this point, but it was (and is) still awful).  Daycare is only three days a week, and during those three days, C does the drop offs and I do the pick ups.  We have made purposeful effort toward increased rhythm building in our home – morning routines, afternoon routines, prayer at dinner, family walks when we can.  It isn’t much different than what we’ve always done, except we are doing it with a greater goal in mind and we think about the changes that we make.

Some of it is the result of time.  Two kids two and under (and now three and under) was a shift.  Not bad during maternity leave and with what we call a “luggage baby” but increasingly challenging with work and daycare and big kid pressures, not to mention the luggage baby growing and moving and yearning.  And that’s with an easy baby and a fairly easy big kid.  But we have been figuring it out, getting more sleep when we can, and trying to utilize family for date nights whenever possible.  Also, hormones are a thing and time has a way of helping them settle, though they are still bouncing from the nursing / pumping life.

We are still exhausted, still running ragged, still dealing with a messy house and messy kids and messy life, but it somehow feels like there is just a little more room to breathe, a little more room to be a couple.  And for that I am grateful.

8 months

J turned 8 months old on K’s third birthday.

He continues to be a delightful baby, smiley and cheerful most of the time with very few tears except when he is hungry or hurts himself, which happens more with each passing day as he explores his world.  He does not startle easily, which was good not only during the fourth of July fireworks, but also when his sister yells in his face to “make him laugh” (which, to be fair, he often does).

He has become increasingly vocal and we have heard “ma” sounds on more than one occasion, sometimes seemingly connected to wanting milk or more.  He also signs milk and we could probably teach him other signs but have not really bothered, partly because there hasn’t been a need and probably also because he is insistent enough with the milk sign that we’re not convinced he (we) needs others.  He has also taken to grunting when he wants to eat and in between every bite to show that you are not feeding him fast enough.

Which leads us to eating.  This month, we learned that J has an eggplant allergy when the eggplant that he was eating left a rash all around his mouth and on his leg where it touched.  It remained just a rash, fortunately, but it was unpleasant for a while for us moms.  J just went merrily about his life without any particular reaction.  Other than the eggplant, he has eaten so many new vegetables and fruits along with a bit of most things that we eat.  He has a voracious appetite and if he is at the table with fellow eaters, he wants something in his mouth.  We have used a lot more jarred foods this time around, but he seems to prefer texture and we give that to him whenever we can.  He has gotten better and better at feeding himself, though we are happy to feed him some of the messier foods in a way we never did with K, mostly because the cleanup is twice as challenging with a three year old underfoot.  J’s favorite foods are probably his oatmeal and his bananas, but he will eat almost anything, so long as it is not cold.  To be fair, when something is cold, he will usually still eat it after making some of the most dissatisfied faces you’ve ever seen.

In terms of movement, look out world.  J continues to army crawl everywhere he wants to go – and fast!  He has at times gotten up on his hands and knees but has little interest when he needs to get somewhere.  He loves to stand and likes bouncing up and down when standing.  At 8 months, he was also just getting the hang of sitting, though that has gotten better and he finds himself in a sitting position more frequently now.

Loves include his food, his sister, and his moms.  Dislikes include hurting himself and getting startled.  He also dislikes being hungry and/or not being able to eat when others are eating.  We can never move fast enough to feed him – whether to keep up putting food into his mouth or onto his tray.

Overall, still an awesome baby!  We’ll keep him 🙂

Three.

K is three, as of two Wednesdays ago.

She is radiant.  And joyful.  And independent.  And stubborn.

She loves her “friends” (read: any other child within eyesight) and she loves her “babies” (read: any toy animal of the stuffed or non-stuffed variety, some imaginary babies as well, including her imaginary “baby neverbeast” from a movie she watches with grandma).  She gets shy and silly around new or unfamiliar people but has become warmer and warmer with her family and does not take nearly as long to get used to someone when they come to the house.  She loves spending time with my mother, including their Friday visits to the library, and also loves spending time with her cousin.

She adores being outside.  She has the best adventures as she explores the natural world, adventures that sometimes include picking the tomatoes and putting them on the ground so we don’t see that she has picked them.  We have gone to a nearby river a few times this summer and she is fearless as she splashes around, throws rocks, puts her face to the water.  A gym membership that includes a pool has not hurt her water-loving either; with her float she is happy to swim independently and she gets braver every time we get in the water.

For her birthday, we both took off and surprised her with a boat ride and time splashing in fountains.  Stripped to her underwear, running around as water shot up from the ground, she was so free.  She collected all the leaves that had fallen into the fountain area and brought them to the table to dry.  We stopped for a lunch appetizer of ice cream – because why not – and then it was back to splashing until it was time to get back on the boat and go to lunch.  We went light on the gifts because less stuff is always a goal, but we did get her a scooter and little animal dolls for the old-school dollhouse built by the father of a friend when that friend was a child.  We had cupcakes on her birthday with plans for more sweets for her birthday party.

K is an awesome big sister and she has been trying harder and harder to engage with J.  She likes to try to make him laugh and sometimes likes to give him things that don’t belong to him (or take away things that do).  Sometimes she is big girl proud and other times she is little girl needy, and at least some of that has to do with her brother and the responses he might be getting at any given time.  She has also taken to wanting more hugs and cuddles than ever before and I think at least a little of it has to do with him, though I also think she is coming into her more in a way that is uniquely K.

Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, noodles (it used to be mac & cheese but she had started asking us to “take the cheese off” before requesting ‘plain noodles”), any kind of fruit, pancakes, black beans, oatmeal, waffles, crackers, raisins, and sometimes chips.  Somewhere along the way she realized that we sometimes didn’t ask her to eat things that are “spicy” so she has taken to calling any food that she does not care for “too spicy” to eat.  She has developed more of a sweet tooth and will at times try to negotiate getting dessert for eating her dinner, which we sometimes indulge.  Dessert can be anything from a cookie to a piece of fruit to a popsicle made from the strawberries we picked in June.

She says the best things.  She makes us laugh and she is starting to fully grasp the power in that and in her charming little smile.  She tries to explain away misbehavior (and sometimes makes good points).  She almost always has a reason for doing what she does, except when she is over-tired or over-excited, at which point she becomes destructive to a fault, eventually needing some space or hugs or both.  She also just started getting into asking us fascinating why questions, like “why are the walls so tall?” (referring to ceiling height).

She has always liked music.  Over the past year she has moved from us singing to her, to her singing “all by myself – you no sing” to singing together (which is my favorite).  She has learned several little poems that she will say for you if you ask (and sometimes if you don’t… sometimes on repeat).  She also likes books and reading and has memorized the texts of several different books that we regularly read.  We have a book that features several beginner stories and she likes being able to choose a book within the book.    The other day she “read” us “The pok.ey litt.le pup.py” and made us smile as she talked about the puppy being “happy as  a lark”  Many an afternoon or evening when it is time to lay down we can find her with a book in hand “reading” to herself.  I love it and encourage it and rarely go a day without reading at least one book if not many.  Favorite books right now include Dr. Se.uss, a book that was written by a friend of a friend,  and her highlights stories.

K had a birthday party this past weekend.  It had a butterfly theme and she was given play butterfly wings to wear.  We played butterfly catching games and hung out in the backyard with her aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and a few little friends who are children of our big friends.  We ate good food and finished with strawberry shortcake “with strawberries AND blueberries” and chocolate cupcakes with a cherry on top, mini replicas of the big cake she saw at the bakery.  She was thrilled to have both to eat.

And for my part, I am amazed that I have been doing this three years.  And grateful for (almost) every second.  I feel so lucky to have such a neat kid and even more lucky to have the resources I have to be close to the parent I want to be.  If I could steal her birthday wishes, I would be wishing for another year of growth and love and fun.  Another year to be an awesome kid and to keep growing into whatever person she is meant to be.

7 1/2 months

I keep trying to write these “on time” and it keeps not happening.

At 7 1/2 months, J is a super mover.  He can army crawl everywhere and make it across a room in the blink of an eye.  He gets up on his hands and knees sometimes – and sometimes up on his hands and feet – but at the end of the day seems satisfied with his successful army crawling skills.  He also likes to stand and bounce and is a fan of his jump up bouncer, which is very different from K, who regarded it with indifference.  He can sit, sort of, but quickly leans himself over and begins crawling.

J is an eager eater.  He never seems as pleased by food as his sister did, but he is always looking for more and will say “meh! meh!” when he wants more.  He likes his oatmeal in the morning and also enjoys snap peas, bananas, and blueberries.  He seems to prefer textured foods and wants whatever we are eating (as compared to jarred foods).  He still loves his milk and will say “meh” for milk, too, while attempting to sign by waving his hands out at his sides.

He loves people.  He adores his sister – thinks she is so funny and lights up when she enters a room.  He lights up for each of us, too, and, my favorite, continues to look all over when he hears my voice.  He makes funny sounds and funny faces and brightens our days.

J remains a calm and cheerful baby, even in challenging circumstances.  We had to go to the hospital this past week (a post for another day) and even though it was miserable in so many ways, he was still a very relaxed baby to the extent that anyone could expect him to be.  He can be determined – he flat-out yells when he is hungry and wants to eat; he maneuvers himself where he wants to go; he uses all kinds of motor skills to get food and toys to his mouth – but he is generally calm with whatever happens.

As always, it shocks me how big he is getting.  I cuddle him extra hard these days, much like I did with his sister.  The same old nostalgia of him “growing up” and getting bigger is still around, though I will say it is easier when I look toward the future and imagine the awesome little person he is becoming each and every day.